I've Never Been Camping Before

Now I'm kinda freaking out . . .
I KNOW THE STORE DOESN'T EVEN OPEN FOR LIKE ANOTHER 5-6 MONTHS . . .
but I'm sitting here alone on a Saturday (. . . well, not alone . . . Ike is playing with his toys in the foyer) the kids are sleeping in but I had to get up at 6:30 to take my husband into work. He was sent home yesterday with a migraine & one of his buddies drove him, so his car was still at work.

ok . . . so I'm sitting here & thinking about the grand opening (because I'm bored, not obsessed, mind you) and realizing that up until this point of my life I've never slept outside in a tent . . . EVER!

Sure, we own a tent and camping gear . . . my husband has long dreamed of taking the girls out camping but I wanted NO part of it. I've told him that my idea of roughing it is staying at the Marriott across the street from the campground.

It's not that I don't like nature . . . I love nature . . . BUT I HATE SNAKES!
I have an awful snake phobia. Now I know the likelyhood of snakes slithering around the concrete and asphalt IKEA parking lot is slim to none (Thank Jesus) but I'm gonna have to figure out how the hell to put the tent up without looking like a total idiot.

It would be nice if someone who's done an IKEA campout could give me some survival tips.

For example: I know they let you leave the line for potty breaks . . . but do they let you go potty in the building? a port-a-potty? do you have to find a place off-site?

I may have to tap out if it's a port-a-potty . . . I think I'd rather make out with a Boa Constrictor 1st . . . that's the other reason I don't do camping!